Do you ever wonder why people worry? I mean, we know worrying doesn’t solve anything and nothing good comes from it…so why do we engage in it so often? I come from a long line of worriers. It’s like a second job in my family. We believe that God is in control of everything and we trust that He is good. We know He says to not be anxious about anything (Philippians 4:6-7) that he cares for the birds so of course he cares for us (Luke 12:24-34), and that he gives us peace and rest when we bring our worries to him (Matthew 11:28-30), yet, we still find ourselves going back to that comfortable enemy in our life time and time again. We’ve made worry a habit. We have allowed our emotions to control us, and we need to take back that control.
So, how do we do that? Here are some steps I go through with my clients who have a lot of worry, anxiety or negative thought patterns.
Step 1: Be aware. The first step is being mindful of the fact that you’re worrying. Most of us have made it such a habit that we’re 5 minutes in with half our nails chewed off before we even realize we are worrying. Pray that the lord will help you remain aware of your thoughts.
Step 2: Take that thought captive. Once you have realized you’re worrying, tell yourself that you are not going to give power to the worry or negative thought. Come up with a short prayer (lord, take this worry from me and replace it with joy), bible verse (check out blog post on comforting scripture here) or mantra (I choose to live more and worry less) that you can say to yourself or out loud if possible.
Step 3: Refocus. Once you are aware and have taken the thought captive, it’s time to refocus on what you were doing. Tell yourself you will revisit this during worry/prayer time (see step 4 below.) So many of us do stuff all the time but our mind isn’t present on what we are doing. We are thinking about what we need to do when we get home, what we want for dinner, or how we are going to possibly get everything done this weekend? Let’s try to practice being present.
Step 4: Worry/prayer time. If you can get through steps 1-3 and get your thoughts under control—YAY for you!! That’s awesome and I’m pretty impressed. For the rest of us, we might need some actual worry time. I know you’re thinking, “Huh? I thought that not worrying was the point to all this?” Yes, one of the main goals is to decrease your worrying, but another goal is to gain back control over your thoughts. So with prayer or worry time (whichever you choose to call it) you are putting your worry time into a controlled environment. You are still in control but you’re allowing your concerns to be voiced. Here’s how it works:
1. Choose a neutral location. This needs to be a place you don’t spend much time in. Most often my clients choose their parked car or a closet. I know that sounds silly but it helps to be in a spot where you will not be disturbed.
2. Choose a time where you know you will typically be home and available to spend 10-15 minutes alone. Make sure you do this at least 30 minutes-1 hour before bedtime. We want to make this a routine.
3. Grab a pen and paper as well as something to keep time. Try to avoid taking your phone but if you have to use that for a timer, commit to not answering it during worry/prayer time.
4. Set the timer for 15 minutes to start. During this time, you can write your thoughts out or speak them aloud. See what works for you. Make them a prayer and ask the lord at the end of your time to take all these concerns and/or negative thoughts from you. Some people like to take their worries and rip them up and throw them away, some like to keep them in a journal to look back on as prayers are answered.
There are many ways to modify this exercise, so figure out what works for you! However you do it, try to commit to doing it for at least a month. This is not an easy task. It’s difficult to change habitual patterns in your life, but you will find that if you stick to it, you will start to actually take back control of your thought life, worry less, and live more abundantly!
