Incorporate Mindful Mantras Into Your Daily Routines This Spring

As spring can bring refresh, it can also be a busy season of transition. You may be feeling a bit overwhelmed. Read along for a helpful tip about the benefits of incorporating mindful mantras into your daily routine to reduce anxiety and remain in the present moment:

If you ever find yourself feeling overwhelmed and not sure how to cope, incorporating mantras or affirmations into your routine can be a helpful practice. Mantras are short phrases, words, or affirmations that someone repeats to themselves in the practice of mindfulness or meditation. Mantra meditations have been used for thousands of years, tracing back to Buddist and Hinduist traditions. While most traditional mantras may be in Sanskrit, the modern practice can be adapted to repeating a phrase, prayer, or affirmation to help with anxiety, depression, or other feelings. It’s important to choose something that fits with your own belief system, so that you can make the practice fit for you.

Take for example a time when you felt anxious, overwhelmed, or angry about something and tried to tell yourself: “There’s nothing to worry about, you’re fine! Get over it, you’re going to be okay!”. However, trying to use logic to calm yourself down may actually have the opposite effect because the feeling part of our brain/body is what is feeling activated and needs help regulating, rather than the thinking brain. Rather than validating your feelings, using statements like these can be dismissive.

Instead, it can be helpful to try using a mantra to encourage yourself, such as “It’s okay to feel worried”, “Right now I feel overwhelmed, but this won’t last forever”, or “This is temporary”. Try repeating one of these phrases to yourself while you take some slow, deep breaths. This practice can make you feel validated and grounded, rather than dismissed.

By taking the time to validate our fears and concerns rather than dismiss them, we provide comfort to our nervous system that allows us to feel grounded and begin to calm down. Connecting to the feeling can also help us feel less alone or threatened, and the repetitive process of breathing and using a mantra can calm your body and mind.

- Sarah Watts, LPC

Cultivating Self-Love, Self-Care, and Meaningful Connections: A Path to Inner Peace and Fulfillment

In today’s fast-paced world, it's easy to overlook the importance of nurturing our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. However, fostering a deep sense of self-love and practicing self-care are essential foundations for creating meaningful connections—with ourselves and others. By investing in these practices, we pave the way for a life that is not only balanced but also filled with authenticity, compassion, and resilience.

1. Self-Love: The Foundation of Inner Harmony

Self-love is not just a buzzword; it’s a transformative practice that allows us to embrace who we are—imperfections and all. It goes beyond vanity or surface-level care; self-love is about recognizing your intrinsic worth and treating yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would offer a loved one.

Why is Self-Love Important?

Self-love helps build emotional resilience, reduces stress, and fosters a healthy mindset. When we love ourselves, we are better able to handle life’s challenges, because we aren’t relying on external validation for our sense of self-worth. This inner foundation of acceptance is crucial for mental and emotional well-being.

How to Practice Self-Love:

●       Positive Affirmations: Speak kindly to yourself. Replace self-criticism with affirmations that celebrate your uniqueness.

●       Forgiveness: Let go of past mistakes and be gentle with yourself. Mistakes are part of growth.

●       Setting Boundaries: Recognize your limits and learn to say no without guilt, ensuring that you prioritize your needs.

2. Self-Care: Nourishing the Mind, Body, and Soul

While self-love is an internal state, self-care is the active practice of honoring that love through daily actions that promote your well-being. It’s about giving yourself permission to rest, rejuvenate, and engage in activities that bring joy and balance.

The Importance of Self-Care:

Self-care is vital for maintaining physical health, emotional stability, and mental clarity. It can take many forms—from a quiet moment of meditation to a day spent in nature, or even a simple hot bath. By carving out time for ourselves, we send a powerful message that our needs matter.

How to Implement Self-Care:

●       Physical Health: Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy nutrition are essential to keep your body functioning at its best.

●       Mental Health: Engage in mindfulness practices, journaling, or therapy to process emotions and manage stress.

●       Emotional Health: Do activities that bring you joy, like spending time with loved ones, pursuing hobbies, or simply enjoying solitude.

3. Connection to Self: Embracing Your Authenticity

To build meaningful connections with others, it’s essential to first connect with yourself. When you understand who you are, your values, desires, and limitations, you create a sense of clarity that empowers your interactions with others. Self-connection is about developing an honest relationship with yourself, acknowledging your needs, and respecting your individuality.

How to Foster Connection with Yourself:

●       Mindfulness and Reflection: Spend time in quiet reflection. Meditation, journaling, or even long walks can provide insights into your inner world.

●       Self-Awareness: Regularly check in with yourself to assess your emotions and needs. Are you honoring your true desires or conforming to others’ expectations?

●       Authentic Expression: Allow yourself to express your thoughts, feelings, and creativity without fear of judgment.

4. Connection to Others: Building Healthy, Supportive Relationships

When we are aligned with ourselves—when we understand our worth, practice self-care, and live authentically—we can create deep, meaningful connections with others. True connection is based on mutual respect, compassion, and understanding.

Why Connection with Others Matters:

Meaningful relationships are vital for emotional support, personal growth, and shared experiences. Being connected to others helps reduce feelings of isolation and strengthens our sense of belonging. Moreover, healthy relationships offer opportunities for empathy, growth, and mutual healing.

How to Cultivate Healthy Relationships:

●       Authenticity: Just as you embrace your true self, encourage others to do the same. When both parties feel accepted and understood, a deeper bond forms.

●       Vulnerability: Opening up and sharing your fears, dreams, and challenges can foster trust and intimacy in relationships.

●       Mutual Respect: Healthy relationships are built on respecting each other’s boundaries, needs, and differences. Communicate openly and honestly to maintain harmony.

Self-love, self-care, and connection are not isolated concepts; they are deeply intertwined. When we nurture ourselves, we create the capacity to connect with others in meaningful ways. By cultivating inner peace, we invite harmony into our relationships, strengthening the bonds that tie us to the world around us. Ultimately, the journey toward self-love and self-care is not just about personal growth—it’s about enriching the collective human experience.

-Kelly Feddern, LCSW

Tips On Setting Boundaries & Saying No

I've struggled with people pleasing my entire life. It's part of my personality as an ENFP to want to say yes to everyone. I absolutely love making people happy (good thing since I'm a counselor!) but even to the point that I am hurt in the process. It hasn't been until the last ten years though that I've realized just how damaging saying yes to everyone and everything truly is. I can't possibly be and do everything that is asked of me. It's positively silly that I ever thought I could. I mean, I'm not God, right?! The fact that I think sometimes that I have to do something or else it will all fall apart is just pure vanity! A lot of that comes from my need to control things, which is a whole other post that I will leave for another day.

Let's look at some of the many reasons why people have a hard time saying no:

1. They are afraid of what the other person will think of them.

2. They need to be in control.

3. They will feel guilty if they don't say yes.

4. They are afraid of being called selfish.

5. They are conflict avoidant.

6. They feel responsible.

7. They feel like it's the "Christian" thing to do.

8. They like the attention and praise.

9. They please others to feel good about themselves.

10.They please others to feel loved.

Have you felt any of these? I know I sure have. And I know they're not a good reason to say yes, but, what can you do about it?

Here are some steps I use for myself and my clients who struggle with people-pleasing.

Step 1: Don't give an answer right away. Tell them that you need to think about it, pray about it or take a look at your calendar before you decide whether it's something you can or should do right now. This is one of the most effective ways to start getting your people-pleasing under control. Plus, it gives you time to actually go through the next steps and feel better about your final decision.

Step 2: Determine the motivation. What is your motivation behind wanting to say yes? Figuring this out typically helps clear up any question. Use the checklist above to help identify any negative motivation. If your heart is truly in the right place, and you have a peace about it, then generally you will feel really good about your "yes." However, if your reason comes from a place of insecurity, fear or selfish gain, it's probably not a good reason to do something.

Step 3: Prayer. When in doubt, always pray about the situation. Ask for guidance and wisdom in what you should do. Ask the Lord for peace and confirmation. He is not a God of confusion...He wants you to have the answer and He will give it to you if you take the time to ask, read His Word and listen!

Step 4: Seek counsel. Find a friend, mentor or family member that you trust and can go to for advice and wisdom. Ask them what they think you should do or what they would do in this situation. Many times it just takes an outsider's perspective to help clear things up for you. For bigger decisions, you might consider seeking counseling. Counselors will help you become more self aware and ask questions to help you figure out what is best for you at this time.

Step 5: Find an accountability partner. Everyone needs an accountability partner in life! Find someone whom you can trust and confide in about your struggle with people-pleasing and check in with them on a weekly basis. They will help you stay on the right track, listen to you and pray for you. Warning: Choose an accountability partner who doesn't struggle with people-pleasing!! Otherwise, you won't be held accountable because they won't want to hurt your feelings by calling you out when you're not doing what you're supposed to do. This won't work well, so save yourself some time and trouble and find that friend who has no problem saying no! :)

Hopefully these steps will help you become more confident about saying NO. Boundaries are important to protect ourselves, our families and those around us. They are GOOD. I repeat, "BOUNDARIES ARE GOOD." Feel free to reach out if you need some extra help in this area or have further questions. Believe me when I say, I get it. It's no piece of cake but it is possible to overcome.

-Annie Tam, M.Ed, LPC

Support in Tackling Life Transitions

Life is always changing, but sometimes a change can hit us harder than we expected. These transitions can be positive, negative, expected, surprising, and big or small. The one thing that all changes have in common is stress. Our bodies do not know that getting a new job, moving, or getting married are good things. Our bodies will still feel stress and effort to adapt to the new life. We also respond to transitions in a way that is unique to us, so just because our parent or friend or neighbor didn’t struggle with this doesn’t mean anything about how we will handle it. Life transitions can be wonderful and fulfilling, but they will not be stress free. So whether you are graduating, grieving, changing careers, welcoming a new family member, getting married, getting divorced, retiring, moving, or just trying to figure out a new stage in life, you are going to be adapting.

YOU CAN MAKE THE CHANGE PROCESS EASIER IN A NUMBER OF WAYS.

First, stop being so hard on yourself. Just because this is difficult doesn’t mean anything about your competency, worth, or ability to handle it. All it means is that life is hard right now, which is an invitation to be understanding with yourself. This is the time to drop some of the perfectionism and unrealistic expectations.

Second, do what helps. That does not mean give yourself permission to lean on harmful coping skills. It does mean reach out to a friend just chat if you feel like isolating. Doing what helps means trying to listen to what you actually need, which could be rest, connection, a bit of productivity, a workout, a piece of cake, etc. Just check in with yourself and try to take care of yourself the way you would a good friend.

Third, start building a foundation. Life transitions highlight our fear of the unknown. We tend to be uncomfortable with uncertainty. Focusing on a few small things and making them routine can help to give a sense of stability. We can know that even when everything else is changing we are still going to cook on Tuesday, read before bed, call a friend to talk about the new TV show, or whatever rituals are helpful for you.

Fourth, let your emotions come. Feelings are going to come whether we acknowledge them or not, but they don’t last as long and aren’t felt as intensely when just notice and name them. So take a couple moments, notice what you’re feeling and put a feeling word on it. It will start to fade much faster, not immediately, but faster than if we just pretend we aren’t mad or frustrated or sad.

Lastly, look for the growth. Every transition is also an opportunity to consolidate what we learned in the previous stage and take it forward in a meaningful way into the new life we are creating for ourselves.

-Morton Nixon, LPC

The Gift of Gratitude

Each year as the season changes and the temperatures begin to cool, we are reminded the holidays are approaching. Some individuals find joy in the leaves changing from green to red. We enjoy bringing out our heavy coats and sweaters, putting away our shorts and sandals. We see commercials of people around a table, eating together, smiling. November and December are times we are supposed to be grateful. The romanticized view of gratitude can look like laughing friends, or joyous faces of family sitting together with smiles on. It can look like homes full of warmth and food, or long lists of activities to do on a vacation.

But what if gratitude looks different for you this year? Often times it can feel like a struggle to find thankfulness when we are overwhelmed, worried, or isolated. We can feel distracted by the challenges we are navigating and the idea of “being grateful” can flood us with emotions. Gratitude is not only found in smiles on our face, but it is found in the small things we experience and practice each day. Gratitude can be present in our lives even in times of emotional darkness.

Research has found that people who tend to be more grateful have more brain activity in the medial prefrontal cortex, the area associated with learning and decision making. This brain activity persisted a month later, suggesting that gratitude has long-lasting effects.

Here are a few ways to practice gratitude in the coming months:

Start your day with setting your intentions and centering yourself.

Take a few minutes to breathe and say one thing you are grateful for. This can be something as simple as the ability to wake up today. Or the floor that you sit on to practice being mindful. Use mindfulness meditations to help you find calm and stillness. Different guided meditations, such as love and kindness, allow us to widen our perspective of life and our connection to ourselves and other beings. It promotes acceptance, detachment, forgiveness, and thus, gratitude. We can also take this moment to imagine a specific situation we are grateful for and let the feeling grow and be stronger.

Say thank you to others.

Saying thank you is an active way to practice gratitude. How many times do we say 'thank you' without taking a moment to actually feel thankful? Taking time to verbalize thankfulness to others connects you to the emotion of gratitude. This could mean adopting a more conscious non-verbal communication (like eye contact and a smile), writing a thoughtful message acknowledging others’ behavior and its positive effects on you, or saying thank you with a nice gift or service gesture (like a shoulder massage). Be creative!

Start a Gratitude Journal.

Journaling can be an excellent self-therapy technique. When you write, you use different parts of your brain and access memories and emotions from a new perspective. A gratitude journal has been proven to activate brain areas that are related to morality and positive emotions. People who could find purpose and feel grateful for the good things to come out of a challenging situation show higher resilience, forgiveness, and detachment. And reading your own words of gratefulness can help you feel better when struggling to be positive.

Kelly Feddern,

LCSW

Support in Tackling Life Transitions

Life is always changing, but sometimes a change can hit us harder than we expected. These transitions can be positive, negative, expected, surprising, and big or small. The one thing that all changes have in common is stress. Our bodies do not know that getting a new job, moving, or getting married are good things. Our bodies will still feel stress and effort to adapt to the new life. We also respond to transitions in a way that is unique to us, so just because our parent or friend or neighbor didn’t struggle with this doesn’t mean anything about how we will handle it. Life transitions can be wonderful and fulfilling, but they will not be stress free. So whether you are graduating, grieving, changing careers, welcoming a new family member, getting married, getting divorced, retiring, moving, or just trying to figure out a new stage in life, you are going to be adapting.

YOU CAN MAKE THE CHANGE PROCESS EASIER IN A NUMBER OF WAYS.

First, stop being so hard on yourself. Just because this is difficult doesn’t mean anything about your competency, worth, or ability to handle it. All it means is that life is hard right now, which is an invitation to be understanding with yourself. This is the time to drop some of the perfectionism and unrealistic expectations.

Second, do what helps. That does not mean give yourself permission to lean on harmful coping skills. It does mean reach out to a friend just chat if you feel like isolating. Doing what helps means trying to listen to what you actually need, which could be rest, connection, a bit of productivity, a workout, a piece of cake, etc. Just check in with yourself and try to take care of yourself the way you would a good friend.

Third, start building a foundation. Life transitions highlight our fear of the unknown. We tend to be uncomfortable with uncertainty. Focusing on a few small things and making them routine can help to give a sense of stability. We can know that even when everything else is changing we are still going to cook on Tuesday, read before bed, call a friend to talk about the new TV show, or whatever rituals are helpful for you.

Fourth, let your emotions come. Feelings are going to come whether we acknowledge them or not, but they don’t last as long and aren’t felt as intensely when just notice and name them. So take a couple moments, notice what you’re feeling and put a feeling word on it. It will start to fade much faster, not immediately, but faster than if we just pretend we aren’t mad or frustrated or sad.

Lastly, look for the growth. Every transition is also an opportunity to consolidate what we learned in the previous stage and take it forward in a meaningful way into the new life we are creating for ourselves.

Morton Nixon, LPC

Mindful Mantras

If you ever find yourself feeling overwhelmed and not sure how to cope, incorporating mantras or affirmations into your routine can be a helpful practice. Mantras are short phrases, words, or affirmations that someone repeats to themselves in the practice of mindfulness or meditation. Mantra meditations have been used for thousands of years, tracing back to Buddist and Hinduist traditions. While most traditional mantras may be in Sanskrit, the modern practice can be adapted to repeating a phrase, prayer, or affirmation to help with anxiety, depression, or other feelings. It’s important to choose something that fits with your own belief system, so that you can make the practice fit for you.

Mantras are short phrases, words, or affirmations that someone repeats to themselves in the practice of mindfulness or meditation.

Take for example a time when you felt anxious, overwhelmed, or angry about something and tried to tell yourself: “There’s nothing to worry about, you’re fine! Get over it, you’re going to be okay!”. However, trying to use logic to calm yourself down may actually have the opposite effect because the feeling part of our brain/body is what is feeling activated and needs help regulating, rather than the thinking brain. Rather than validating your feelings, using statements like these can be dismissive. 

Instead, it can be helpful to try using a mantra to encourage yourself, such as “It’s okay to feel worried”, “Right now I feel overwhelmed, but this won’t last forever”, or “This is temporary”. Try repeating one of these phrases to yourself while you take some slow, deep breaths. This practice can make you feel validated and grounded, rather than dismissed.

By taking the time to validate our fears and concerns rather than dismiss them, we provide comfort to our nervous system that allows us to feel grounded and begin to calm down. Connecting to the feeling can also help us feel less alone or threatened, and the repetitive process of breathing and using a mantra can calm your body and mind.

Thank you for taking the time to read this summer mindfulness tip. 

Sarah Watts, MS, LPC-Associate

Supervised by Mark E. Hundley, MEd, LPC-S

Managing Emotions During the Holidays

The holidays are here…full of fun, festivity, good food and time with loved ones. However, for those who are grieving, or those who are struggling with infertility, unwanted singleness, or estranged family relationships, this can be one of the most challenging times of the year. If you are experiencing mixed emotions at the holidays, here are some tips to keep in mind.

1.     Be gentle with yourself and how you’re feeling. During the Christmas season we can try to “jolly” ourselves into feeling happy or put on a good face to the world. It’s okay to feel lonely, or to miss what you had in years past. It’s okay to feel sad that you don’t have a child to celebrate with. When you notice an emotion arising, try to respond the way you would towards a dear friend. Don’t judge the validity of your feelings or try to stuff them down. Instead, notice and acknowledge them. Try repeating any affirmations that may resonate with you, such as “I am worthy of love,” “I am healing in my own way,” or “I am enough.”

2.     Take time to rest and re-center yourself. Lack of sleep and excessive busyness can exacerbate any distressing emotions we may be feeling. Can you find little moments to relax your body, even if that’s just 5 minutes to take a few deep breaths in between activities? Are there ways to create a bit more space in your schedule?

3.     Allow space to grieve and remember. If you’ve lost a loved one, holiday gatherings can be a painful reminder of the person who is missing. Give yourself permission to be sad, to laugh at memories, or to incorporate holiday traditions you used to share. Remember that there is no “right” way to grieve. It is not a linear step-by-step progression but instead a journey. Be kind to yourself.  

4.     Reach out to those who can support you. When we are feeling low, we tend to want to isolate ourselves, thinking “no one understands what I’m going through.” However, the isolation often makes our depression worse. Find a few trusted family members or friends you feel comfortable reaching out to. Practice expressing what you need from them; for example, saying “I really need a space to share what I’m struggling with, but I’d prefer not getting any advice at this time.”

Liz Downey

Making Decisions When You Feel Stuck

“Problem (n): a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome”

With fall approaching, we are likely all in a season of some type of transition, whether that be back to school or to the workplace. While these transitions can be exciting, they can also present us with different and new challenges that need to be addressed. Problems will inevitably need to be solved, but before jumping into problem solving, it is important to have an understanding of what a problem is. We all have problems from our past, current problems, and potential problems we might face in the future. When considering this, we quickly realize that problems are inevitable, but they also do not last forever. By identifying past problems, we realize we have the ability to overcome problems and that problems come and go.

• What are some problems you have overcome in the past?

• What are some problems you are currently dealing with?

• What are some problems you might face in the future?

Knowing that problems are inevitable, it is important to learn the most effective approach to solving them. Let’s learn how to “FLIP” our problems into solutions:

FIGURE OUT what the problem is and what you want

Before we try to solve a problem, we need to identify what we would like the end result to be to ensure it is something we can realistically attain.

Ex: Problem-overwhelmed by work due to being behind on deadlines; Desire-get caught up on work

LIST all possible solutions

Listing out ALL possible solutions (“The good, bad, and ugly”) allows us to see and compare our options and consider potential results.

Ex: Quit, Blame team member for incomplete project, Ask for extension on deadline, Delegate appropriate tasks to team members, Break up the task into smaller parts and prioritize

IDENTIFY the best solution

Once all solutions are listed, eliminate the worst options & use what is left to create the plan in the final step.

Ex: Quit, Blame team member for incomplete project,

#1. Break up the task into smaller parts and prioritize #2. Delegate appropriate tasks to team members #3. Ask for extension on deadline

PLAN when and where to use this strategy

It is important to not only identify the who, what, when, where, & how of our solution, but also consider potential barriers & brainstorm ways to overcome them.

Ex: If I am unable to make sufficient progress from M-W of this week on my own, I will ask Joey and Miranda for assistance on Thursday. If we are unable to complete the task by Friday, I will ask my boss for an extra week to complete

Take a Deep Breath

How often do you think to yourself, “It would be so nice to take a moment for myself right now—to breathe or meditate, but I definitely don’t have time for that today”? My guess is that it may have happened a time to two. We have 101 things to do and mindfully breathing just isn’t one of them. I get it. I’ve been there many times and still find myself there on occasion. However, learning why it’s important to breathe and how to realistically make it a part of the day is key to integrating it regularly and experiencing the abundant benefits that it provides.

Most of us are not in tune to how we breathe. We typically take shallow breaths, which limit the diaphragm’s range of motion and leave us feeling short of breath or anxious. Let’s take a moment to check in. Place one hand on your chest and one hand on your stomach. Now, take what you would consider to be a deep breath. Which hand moved more—the hand on your stomach or the hand on your chest? Oftentimes, it’s the hand on the chest that is moving up and down more than the hand on the stomach moving in and out. A deep, abdominal breath facilitates the beneficial trade of oxygen for carbon dioxide, which can slow the heartbeat and lower blood pressure. Deep breathing increases the activity of the vagus nerve, a part of the parasympathetic nervous system, which controls our rest state.  It deactivates the sympathetic nervous system, which regulates our fight-or-flight response resulting in a more calm state.

In order to encourage deep breathing throughout the day I recommend a few things:

• Practice deep, slow breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth each night before you fall asleep. You can place your hands on your stomach and on your chest for a while as you start to get the hang of it.

• Set an alarm on your phone to go off each hour for a couple of weeks or as long as it takes to become more aware of your breath and make it a habit. Take time to do this now.

• If you’re a parent, one of the most important tools we can teach our children to regulate their nervous systems and emotions is deep breathing. Many of us find it hard to do something for ourselves so let it be known that this is a skill that your child will benefit from immensely along with you! A two for one! Don’t we all love that in our busy lives?! No matter the age of your child, when your alarm goes off, when you feel rising tension or anxiety in your body, or when your child starts to get upset, engage him or her in deep breathing. For me, I simply say, “Let’s take a deep breath” to my 3-year-old. We take a deep breath together and repeat it a few times. He will even tell me now to take a breath if he sees I’m upset by something! I do the same with my 10-month-old as well. He clearly doesn’t do the deep breath with us yet but those mirror neurons are working, and one day soon enough, he will breathe deeply with the rest of us.

Deep breathing is an efficient and effective form of self-care for everyone. It doesn’t take up too much time and successfully helps regulate the autonomic nervous system allowing us to be more present and calm for our families and ourselves. So, take one more slow, deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth before you deal with your fussy toddler or tackle a big work project!

Annie Tam