The holidays are here…full of fun, festivity, good food and time with loved ones. However, for those who are grieving, or those who are struggling with infertility, unwanted singleness, or estranged family relationships, this can be one of the most challenging times of the year. If you are experiencing mixed emotions at the holidays, here are some tips to keep in mind.
1. Be gentle with yourself and how you’re feeling. During the Christmas season we can try to “jolly” ourselves into feeling happy or put on a good face to the world. It’s okay to feel lonely, or to miss what you had in years past. It’s okay to feel sad that you don’t have a child to celebrate with. When you notice an emotion arising, try to respond the way you would towards a dear friend. Don’t judge the validity of your feelings or try to stuff them down. Instead, notice and acknowledge them. Try repeating any affirmations that may resonate with you, such as “I am worthy of love,” “I am healing in my own way,” or “I am enough.”
2. Take time to rest and re-center yourself. Lack of sleep and excessive busyness can exacerbate any distressing emotions we may be feeling. Can you find little moments to relax your body, even if that’s just 5 minutes to take a few deep breaths in between activities? Are there ways to create a bit more space in your schedule?
3. Allow space to grieve and remember. If you’ve lost a loved one, holiday gatherings can be a painful reminder of the person who is missing. Give yourself permission to be sad, to laugh at memories, or to incorporate holiday traditions you used to share. Remember that there is no “right” way to grieve. It is not a linear step-by-step progression but instead a journey. Be kind to yourself.
4. Reach out to those who can support you. When we are feeling low, we tend to want to isolate ourselves, thinking “no one understands what I’m going through.” However, the isolation often makes our depression worse. Find a few trusted family members or friends you feel comfortable reaching out to. Practice expressing what you need from them; for example, saying “I really need a space to share what I’m struggling with, but I’d prefer not getting any advice at this time.”
Liz Downey
