Getting Attached

Have you ever gotten into an argument with your partner and had an emotional reaction that felt out of proportion to the situation? While we may attribute those feelings to our partner’s words or actions that triggered us, many of those big emotions we feel are actually an unconscious response shaped by our childhood attachments.

So what is attachment? Research done by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, and expanded upon by modern researchers, has shown that children develop a pattern of behavior based on their caregiver’s response to the child’s needs, which can start before a child can even talk. If you did not experience an attentive, consistent parental figure in childhood, you will likely notice those early experiences negatively impacting your adult relationships. However, the great news is that we can build secure attachments at any age!

Through his research, Bowlby identified 4 different types of attachment styles. Which one resonates with you?

Secure attachment allows children to feel safe and known as the caregiver is accessible, consistent, and able to provide comfort. These children are actually more apt to leave their caregiver to explore because they feel secure their parent will be there for them when the child returns.

Anxious attachment develops when a caregiver is inconsistent with the child or not aligned with the child’s needs. Children with anxious attachment may cling to their caregiver and refuse to leave because they are worried they will not be there when they return.

Anxious-avoidant attachment may develop if a child’s parental figure is emotionally unavailable, unresponsive to the child’s need for affection, or critical of emotional expression. Children with this attachment tend to avoid seeking out close relationships because they don’t trust people to meet their needs.

Disorganized (fearful-avoidant) attachment is often due to abuse or trauma a child has received from the caregiver. The child learns to fear their parent instead of seeking comfort from them. The child does not know what to expect and so lives in a perpetual state of negative anticipation.

So what does this all mean for adult relationships? If you’re feeling some big emotions, try these steps:

1.     Take a deep breath or a time out. It sounds trite, but it’s important! When our amygdala is activated in stressful situations (such as a fight with your partner) our fight, flight, or freeze response is activated and stress hormones are released into the body, causing reactions like sweating or a racing heartbeat. The part of your brain that is responsible for rational decision-making (the prefrontal cortex) essentially leaves the building. Taking time to calm the nervous system through deep breathing or taking a walk can allow a reset for the intensity to come down. However, if one partner is anxiously attached, their partner’s leaving can trigger fears of abandonment, so decide ahead of time how long the “time out” will be. For example, if your partner leaves for 10 minutes, can you tolerate your distress for that length of time, knowing you both have agreed he or she will come back after that time?

2.     Think of your problem as the problem. Instead of viewing your spouse or partner as the issue, can you look at your conflict as part of an entrenched pattern of behavior? Sue Johnson calls this cycle within couples the “negative dance.” A counselor can work with you as a couple to identify and disrupt this “dance” through understanding the core emotional needs that are underlying each person’s actions. These are often an unmet need from childhood (Johnson, 2008).

3.     Build consistency. Securely attached individuals are able to be independent because they trust their caregiver — or in the case of adult relationships, their partner — will be there for them when needed. How can you build consistency and safety with your partner through small daily actions?

If you want to learn more about attachment, here are some recommended resources:  

• Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson

• This attachment inventory from a professor at the University of Illinois can help you see your types of attachment with various relationships in your life.

• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller

• The Attachment Project has lots of resources and blog posts regarding attachment styles.

Liz Downey is Mend’s Counseling Student Intern. She offers counseling for couples and families as well as individuals. To schedule an appointment with Liz, call 469-801-9055 or email info@mend-counseling.com.

Liz Downey

The Power of Being Your Own Friend

What does the voice inside your head sound like? For many of us, that voice can be harsh and unforgiving, also known as the inner critic. Our inner critic helps us see mistakes, and so that you can learn and grow from them, but when that voice is based on shame it can be unrelenting and keep us stuck.

Enter self-compassion. In this article, Kristin Neff defines self-compassion as treating yourself like you would a friend going through a difficult time. In other words, the ability to be your own friend when you are suffering. If you are like me, you have said things to yourself you would never say to a friend that’s hurting or needs support. So why do we say those things to ourselves when what we need is to be uplifted?

According to Neff, our inner critic activates the body’s threat-defense system and increases stress hormones. While trying to protect us, the inner critic can instead lead to chronic stress and can increase depression and anxiety. Good news, when give ourselves self-compassion we activate our mammalian care center which provides comfort like giving yourself a big hug. Self-compassion is the best antidote to shame and the inner critic. 

Here are 3 helpful self-compassion practices to help get you started: 

1. Explore the voice inside your head.

Find a way to externalize the inner critic. Write it down or even say the thoughts out loud. Look for patterns and common phrases your inner critic uses. Then offer gentle challenges to what your inner critic tells you.

2. Talk to yourself like you would a friend.

When you find yourself struggling, imagine you are talking to a friend. Use positive affirmations and supportive phrases when speaking to yourself. Some helpful phrases could be: “I’m doing my best and that’s enough,” as well as “I’m human and it’s ok to be human.”

3. Borrow affirmations from your friends/family.

If the above practices seem difficult and you are unable to come up with kind things to say to yourself, reach out to your support system. Ask your friends and/or family what they would say to you and practice saying them to yourself. 

For some, practicing self-compassion can be incredibly difficult. If you find yourself struggling with shame and your inner critic, reach out for support from helpful sources such as friends, family, or a therapist. 

Megan Gerner

From Languishing to Flourishing

Feeling kind of aimless and blah these days? You’re not alone. The New York Times recently published an article on the phenomenon of “languishing.” Though we may be feeling less anxious than when the pandemic began, that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re functioning at our best. Languishing can manifest as lack of motivation, feeling zoned out, having trouble finishing tasks, or getting too little or too much sleep.

So how do you address this feeling? Start small with these simple practices:

Be present with your feelings.

If you’re feeling burnt out or exhausted, it’s important to acknowledge and name what you’re experiencing. Instead of trying to muscle through the tiredness, try to be gentle with yourself and accept that it’s ok not to feel 100% after all the challenges of the past year. Think of how you would encourage a friend who was experiencing your same feelings - what would you tell him or her?

Ask yourself, what does real rest look like for you? Then schedule in time for it.

What are ways that you experience renewal? That could be anything from taking a nap, doing a short guided meditation, reading quietly, walking in a park, or calling a friend. It depends on what your unique body and soul needs! While it may seem counterintuitive to schedule rest, it can actually help to make sure it happens. Try scheduling a 15-minute power nap in between calls or a brief walk in the morning. Try to think of rest less as a luxury and more as a necessity to help you function your best.

Also, learn to check in with yourself on how you feel during your leisure time. Is scrolling on your phone and simultaneously watching a show restful or is it contributing to the zoned out feeling you’re experiencing?

“Try to think of rest less as a luxury and more as a necessity to help you function your best.”

Try something new

Part of our feelings of listlessness may be due to the “Groundhog Day” feeling of the past year, with every day similar to the last. Experiencing something new, even if it’s just in your same city, can activate dopamine pathways in your brain, increase the brain’s potential for learning new things, and actually help improve memory function. Try mixing things up: drive to a new part of town to walk your dog. Stop by a coffee shop you haven’t tried to work for the afternoon. Introduce yourself to someone new after religious services. These small changes can activate those novelty-seeking parts of your brain in a healthy way.

Start small

Big projects can feel overwhelming, and even more so when you’re unmotivated. If you have work or school tasks hanging over your head that you just can’t muster up the energy to complete, try starting small. Block out an hour to work without interruptions, then take a break. If you find your mind spinning with what needs to get done, try doing a brain dump and writing it all down on a piece of paper. This can help to calm the feeling of chaos and provide direction.

If you feel like you’re languishing, remember that there is hope. No feeling lasts forever, and there are resources (like a counselor, friends, and family members) you can access if you’re feeling stuck.

Liz Downey

Understanding Your Moods

Mood swings. We all have them, yet we don’t necessarily understand them. However, understanding your moods helps you manage them and feel better faster. If you are more aware of your moods, you may be able to better manage your lifestyle choices, make informed health decisions, prevent or avoid triggers of negative moods, and work towards a better quality of life.

While emotions and moods have a lot in common, they are distinctive concepts. Knowing the difference between moods and emotions can allow us to better understand and track our emotional states.

Mood can be defined as a longer-lasting emotional, internal, and subjective state.

Discussing mood on a continuum allows us to acknowledge that we are often not simply in a “good” or “bad” mood, but that our moods typically fluctuate from high to low throughout the day depending on the situation, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors we experience.

• What puts you in a good or bad mood?

• Are there times throughout the day you notice patterns in which your mood is typically higher or lower?

• Are you typically aware when your mood changes? If so, what do you notice?

• When might you check-in with yourself and your mood each day (e.g., when you wake-up, during lunch, after work, before bed)

Using the number scale from 1-10, with 1 being a bad mood, and 10 being a good mood, is one of many ways you can track your mood. Listed below are other ways to track your mood throughout the day and week:

• Mood Journal/Diary Card (e.g., time, mood, factors)

• Apps (e.g., Pacifica, Daylio, Moodpath, Moody)

• Bullet Journals (e.g., colors, emojis, line graphs, etc.)

Do you have a system already in place to track your mood? If not, which system above might work best for you to start consistently tracking your mood on a regular basis?

“There are good and bad times, but our mood changes more often than our fortune. - Thomas Carlyle”

— Thomas Carlyle

Behavioral activation teaches us that we can impact our mood by changing our behavior. It consists of identifying pleasurable activities associated with wellness and working towards implementing them into a daily routine. It is designed to increase one’s contact with positively rewarding activities, particularly when one is experiencing a low mood. Listed below are the five categories we have teens consider when identifying behavioral activation skills.

Do Something:

• Distracting & Fun

• Relaxing & Soothing

• Social

• Active

• Productive

With Spring upon us, it is a great time to schedule pleasant activities to enjoy on your own or with others. If you have not done so already, we recommend establishing a weekly schedule & routine that include these different behavioral coping strategies.

Jackie Matney

Setting Intentions

The start of the New Year brings so much excitement for me in dreaming about the possibilities that lie ahead. This year, I’m hopeful to get back to a more normal way of life and routine after one of the most difficult years in history. I choose to continue to practice radical acceptance knowing that I cannot change the present facts even if they’re difficult and I don’t like them, but at the same time, I hold hope that positive change will take place in the near future.

One of my favorite activities in the New Year is to set intentions. Unlike resolutions, which are short-term and goal oriented, intentions are broader and connected to personal values. It’s important to keep in mind that when setting intentions, we seek out a journey, not a destination. Below are some steps to better understand what intention setting is all about.

Step 1: Identify your values

If you haven’t ever identified your core values, I highly recommend it! I love using the list that Brene Brown provides on her website here. You can take one of the many free values inventories online such as the Life Values Inventory or Personal Values assessment. Another way to figure out your values is by looking at your mentors and asking yourself what you revere about them.

Step 2: Set an intention for each of your core values

 Let’s say that one of your core values is health. An intention could be to lower your stress levels. If a core value is family, maybe you set an intention to be more present with your children. If a value is growth, you can set an intention to increase self awareness.

Step 3: Get specific about ways to achieve that intention

So, if your value is health and your intention is to lower your stress levels, you can begin by creating a self care plan. For the intention of being more present with your children, you can put your phone away for 20 minutes of undistracted engagement. For increasing self awareness, you can learn more about your enneagram number by reading “The Road Back To You”. Or, better yet, you can find a counselor or coach to support this journey! :)

Step 4: Identify how you can incorporate these efforts into your routine

 Once you create your self care plan, choose a couple items that you can easily build into your weekly routine. Don’t try to include all of the items on your plan all at once. This is a process that will evolve over time. Remember, life is a rhythm, a dance. One day yoga might work, the next day self care means resting or meditating. Maybe for the undistracted kid time, you start with 5 minutes of phoneless play time or no phones at dinner. For increasing self awareness, read a couple pages each night before bed of the book or set a regular counseling appointment with your therapist.

Step 5: Choose a focal word or phrase that connects you to your intentions

This could simply be stating your core values each morning as you breathe, “Health...Family…Growth.” Or you could breathe to the phrase “I value intentionality” each morning when you wake up. Write them down where they are visible for you and set a routine to breathe to that connection each morning before your feet hit the floor.

Don’t forget to commemorate your intentions in some form throughout the year. This could be in a journal or by creating an art piece that you add to little by little. One form is more concrete, the other abstract. Do whatever works for you and gives meaning to your sweet, intention-filled journey.

Annie Tam

Finding contentment and joy in the ordinary; the everyday routines that build the rhythms of our day adding up to a lifetime.

2021 – the year that holds much anticipation and juxtaposition to 2020. For many, 2020 was a year that embodied loneliness, hopelessness, anxiety, loss, and so much more. While ringing in a new year, it’s easy to get caught up in an overly ambitious list of goals attempting to become someone different entirely; it can be a mad dash to eliminate all that we do not want to carry with us into a new year. That sounds daunting and a bit exhausting, right? Instead of attempting to change ALL THE THINGS, what would it be like to find contentment and joy in the ordinary? Renowned researcher Brené Brown states it quite eloquently, “In this world, somehow, an ordinary life has become synonymous with a meaningless life. And so often we are missing what is truly important because we are on the quest for what is extraordinary, not understanding that in our ordinary lives, in the ordinary moments of our lives, is really where we can find the most joy.” The ordinary, simply put, is the everyday routines that build the rhythms of our day that with relationships, adventure, and experiences add up to a lifetime.

My grandmother once gifted me a large blank journal for Christmas. Inside was a sweet inscription, “Take a little time every few days to jot down the important events of your life. You will be glad that you did.” While I wish I had the ability to freeze time, the next best thing has been working to find contentment and joy in the ordinary moments. While not EVERY moment is full of joy at our home, there is much to be said for giving yourself permission to embrace the ordinary and ‘good enough’ instead of constantly chasing the extraordinary. Ultimately, striving towards this goal is an act of mindfulness, staying in the present moment. Journaling, as my grandmother so encouraged, is a great way to practice mindfulness; a way to reflect back over the day, week, month and see those magical moments that happened while we were busy living our ordinary lives.

As you look back over the past year, reflect on the prompts below to help identify the joy in the ordinary moments of your life previously overlooked. This will help you recognize where you can adjust routines and rhythms to help garner moments to cherish for a lifetime.

Where do you find joy?

What rhythms of your day bring delight?

What small moments in your week do you find yourself wishing you could freeze in time?

What rhythms of your day need adjusting?

“Sometimes,” said the horse. “Sometimes what?” asked the boy. “Sometimes just getting up and carrying on is brave and magnificent.” – Charlie Mackesy

Meagan Parks

The Attitude of GRATITUDE

In a year that is ending vastly different than it started, it seems that everyone has a list of grievances from 2020. It can be easy to get caught up in the echo chamber, listing one negative thing after another, and counting down the days until “all of this is over.” While it has, no doubt, been a heartbreaking year, there are ways for us to cope without simply wishing it away. Surprisingly enough, practicing gratitude in the face of our struggles helps us do just that.

GRATITUDE is a warm feeling of appreciation for goodness in the world, a person, or people. When we practice gratitude, we offer recognition, thankfulness, and acknowledgement for what we have.

Authentic gratitude does so much more than check the box of saying ‘thank you’. Research has shown practicing gratitude improves mental health by decreasing anxiety and depression, increasing optimism, and improving our ability to attain goals. It lights up the brain’s reward center, which is connected to stress relief, and it promotes relaxation. Gratitude helps us become more flexible and accepting of change. It is even associated with improved sleep and decreased physical symptoms of illness.

Have you ever found yourself hesitant to truly experience joy out of fear that something terrible would happen if you did? This is not the way the world works, but we sometimes (mistakenly) believe that if we prepare for the worst, it might somehow lessen the blow. The truth is, we are vulnerable when we are soaring, and we are vulnerable when we are struggling. Rather than compromising our chance to experience joy when it comes along, we can stop ourselves from catastrophizing and, instead, focus on gratitude.

Bestselling author, researcher and therapy goddess Brene Brown teaches that a joyful heart is connected to gratefulness. She recommends using our inner voice of fear as a signal to stop, name the things we have to be grateful for, and then use this practice as empowerment to press on.

Gratitude can be practiced in the BIG things - a promotion at work, the birth of a child, overcoming illness. But it can also be practiced in the small, day-to-day victories - green lights throughout your commute, the warmth in a fresh cup of coffee, sunshine after a rainy week. It is not about waiting for life to be perfect, but savoring the sweet moments along the way.

3 Easy Ways to Practice Gratitude:

Journal: Build a habit of listing something that you are thankful for each day. Can you think of something new each time? Putting these reflections in black and white will serve as a reminder for the long-term benefits of this practice.

Gratitude Rituals: Like a muscle, you can slowly strengthen your ability to use this skill. Work it into your daily routine by creating a special moment to pause and reflect. Try dedicating your yoga practice with a meditation, or sharing a blessing before a meal. 

Consider who you are thankful for: Then tell them! Part of gratitude is recognizing the goodness that we experience thanks to the people around us. Expressing this gratitude, verbally or with a note, shares those benefits with others.

Give it a try, and you just might find that you have more to be thankful for than you ever realized.

Jessica Stanko

Motivation During Tough Times

Okay, so all of you reading this right now in the middle of the pandemic are probably thinking, “Listen lady, I’m just trying to survive right now—not find time to grow!” So let me put your mind at ease and tell you that this isn’t about spending extra time trying to grow into a better version of yourself. It’s about taking small steps to see the growth that you are living day in and day out without realizing it. “When you go through it, you grow through it” is what I like to say.

We are living in unprecedented times. Who would have ever thought that we would be collectively going through such an incredibly stressful, isolating, unknown, and scary time this year? But, guess what? You ARE growing whether you realize it or not. If you are reading this, you can say, “I have survived another day in 2020! I may be a hot mess, but I got through it!” So, celebrate your wins. Oftentimes, our wins go unnoticed or unappreciated when in reality, we have small triumphs all throughout our day. One of those wins can simply be choosing to accept your reality versus trying to fight it.

The first step to increasing motivation is acceptance of your situation. No one can control what is happening externally. If we choose to fight our situation, that only leads to increased anxiety and frustration. It doesn’t allow us to move forward when we are fighting something that we have no control over. Thus, we remain stuck in a negative, self-defeating loop.

A great way to start your day is deep breathing followed by the Serenity Prayer:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

This pandemic, working from home, children in virtual school, not being able to travel to see your family, etc.—all of these things you cannot change. Choose to accept this and focus on the things that are within your control such as healthy sleep hygiene, exercise, nourishing your body, or getting dressed in real clothes each morning!

The second step is to acknowledge your growth. Nothing is better than recognizing your wins. Ask yourself, “What have I succeeded in today?” This could be anything from getting out of bed in the morning when your alarm goes off to taking time to do something for yourself that day. It could be making dinner for your family or getting the kids in bed on time. It could be calling a friend or family member who you have wanted to connect with to finishing a difficult task at work. You get the gist. It’s about finding ALL the things—big AND small!

Once you recognize the wins, it’s important to take a moment to be grateful for them. Say it out loud, write it down, do whatever it takes to intentionally give thanks for the victories in your life that day.

The third step is to focus on our values. When we think about what we are motivated by, it is typically closely tied to our values. If it’s not, we are probably not going to be motivated to do it. If you haven’t ever taken a moment to reflect on your individual values, give it some thought! You can take the Valued Living Questionnaire here. When we know our values, we can then identify values-action discrepancies as well as any barriers to value-based living. For instance, if you value spending time with your child, and you’re spending more quality time working than with your child, therein lies a discrepancy. You will then need to work out how to spend more quality time with your child (QUALITY NOT QUANTITY). You can ask yourself, “What is keeping me from spending quality time with him/her?” It may be that all you need to do is establish planned times where you can focus on being present and intentional with him/her for 30 minutes each day. It may be setting your phone down for 30 minutes to be more focused. Boundaries can be difficult to establish, but if setting boundaries allows you to experience quality time and fulfill that value, the motivation to set a boundary and therefore, setting the boundary, is clearer.

Acceptance, growth and values can be difficult to navigate.  Ask for support from family, friends or a counselor so that you can thrive during this time of uncertainty. Remember that it’s not about adding a bunch of growth tools but reframing and reorganizing what is already taking place.

Grace and peace to you during this time,

Annie

Annie Tam

Comradery and Strategies for Feeling Overwhelmed

Our lives being impacted by COVID and public health measures to keep us safe-- keeps going on and on and on, doesn’t it? More and more therapy clients are talking about this time like being stuck in the movie Groundhog Day. The novelty of making banana bread, doing puzzles, and picking up a new hobby may have worn off. And you may be a parent on month 5 of 24/7 togetherness while trying to work, spend quality time with your kids, and not think about how many hours they are in front of the screen.

Our go-to coping may not be an option right now and its hard. The distractions and activities that were fulfilling aren’t there in the same way. Some days you can rock it and at the end of the day be proud of how you made the most of this time, while other times you feel like you barely made it through.

This is all normal for the times we are in.​

The context of uncertainty can be overwhelming. Here are a few strategies to care for yourself even in the midst of these strange and difficult times.

1. Let yourself sit with the feelings that are less comfortable. Say something like, “I am feeling ____ right now. This situation ______. I may not always feel this way but I do right now.” Labeling and acknowledging our emotion (even quietly in our own mind) validates our internal experience and can help decrease the intensity of the emotion, and it brings clarity to what emotion is causing the thoughts, mood, and urges in the moment. It also frees you up to care for yourself with this feeling- what helps when you feel angry, hopeless, sad, irritated, bored? Do that.

   If it feels like you get swept away by the intense emotion or have trouble shifting out of it- then set a timer and let yourself feel it, journal it, listen to the sad songs, complain to a housemate, be in the bad mood. When the timer is up- put on a song that feels like an opposite emotion and help transition you out of the other feelings.

2. Stay connected with people who know you and care for you. Do you feel like a Zoom call, Marco Polo thread, snail mail, text, or a audio phone call today? Notice what feels more invigorating for the day and reach out. Sometimes it helps to share honestly with our friend/family what we are feeling, and other days we may want to fully show up for them as a distraction to what its feeling like in our head and home. Give yourself permission to do either.

3. Notice what creates more positive feelings for you. Is it dancing in the kitchen to feel-good music with your family, cooking a good meal or treat, watching a funny video, liking all the 2020 memes, going for a walk, playing solitaire, sitting alone quietly, or something else? Notice what creates positive emotions and make sure to add in more of this daily. This helps replace the negative emotions and buffers you from being as vulnerable to getting stuck in more difficult emotions.

If you’re a woman who notices you want and need more skills to get through these times, consider joining my virtual group starting in September. My goal is to create a space to find comradery for these hard times, and to load you up with some new coping skills for being overwhelmed, having anxiety, or the impact of trauma symptoms. Email michelle@mend-counseling.com​ for more details about the Keeping It Together, Together group.

Michelle Torres

ALL THINGS SELF-CARE

Mend Counseling dedicated the entire month of July to discuss ALL THINGS SELF-CARE. It is such an important topic and really an area of our lives that we need to be intentional about, especially in the midst of a global pandemic.

SO, what is self-care??

Self-care, quite simply, can be anything you do that is JUST FOR YOU. It’s your “ME TIME”. A time where you can rest, reset, and re-energize! Think of it as a time to care for yourself.

If you really think about it, from the moment we wake up in the morning, we are CONSTANTLY pouring ourselves into other areas of our lives. Our jobs, our kids, our friends, our significant others, our schedules, our responsibilities… the list goes on. It’s not out of the norm for people to forget or lose sight of the fact that WE HAVE TO FILL OUR CUP BACK UP! If we don’t, we are so much more likely to feel drained or even burned out.

Usually with busy schedules and lots of responsibilities, it can be so easy for our self-care to drop to the bottom of our priority list, but we’re going to change that and it STARTS TODAY!

When you practice self-care regularly, you are essentially prioritizing and protecting yourself, your well-being, and your happiness. In reality, no one is going to protect those things better than YOU!

Self-care can also be a great time for self-reflection. The relationship you have with yourself is an important one. We need to establish and nurture this relationship and connection, just as we do with all of the other relationships in our lives. Practicing self-care routinely can be a time that you check in with yourself and ask yourself, “how am I doing, really?”.

Now that you have a good picture of what self-care IS, let’s talk about what it is NOT.

SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH. Let me say that again for the people in the back –

SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH!!!!

This is a very common misconception that society tends to reinforce. We are all build around the premise of KEEP GOING, WORK HARD, BE PRODUCTIVE, NEVER STOP…But think of it like this… your car runs on a tank of gas. When your tank is empty, your car stops working – think of yourself in the same way.

“Self-care means giving the world the BEST of you, instead of what is LEFT of you”

I absolutely love that quote because it’s so true!!

Self-care also doesn’t HAVE to be productive. I think we are all taught to be machines where we are always pushing for goals and trying to be as productive as possible. I’m here to remind you that it is MORE than okay to have an hour, or a day, or a week to unplug and REST and reset.

Lastly, self-care shouldn’t be something that you dread doing or something that you just need to check off of your to-do list. It should be something that you genuinely enjoy doing!

Here at MEND, we have an amazing resource that we give to every client who starts the counseling process. It’s a worksheet that categorizes self-care into three different groups: MIND, BODY, and SPIRIT.

 Let’s break it down together!

MIND – after a long day of work, to-do lists, and responsibilities, it’s not uncommon for our thoughts to be all over the place. Practicing mindfulness and focusing on the present moment can be really helpful after a long day. Some great examples of self-care for your mind would be: meditation, yoga, deep breathing exercises, coloring books, or reading. Self-care will really look different for everyone, so take the time to explore what would go on your list!

BODY – body is a very important piece of self-care because our body is the machine that helps us get through the day. It is so important that we not only practice self-care on the most basic level, but also give our bodies a chance to rest and reset as well. When we talk about sticking to the basics, we mean caring for your body in the most basic way – getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, nourishing your body with nutrition, and engaging in joyful movement are great examples. Other ways to practice self-care in this category could be practicing gratitude towards your body for all that it does for us.

SPIRIT – self-care for your spirit can be anything faith based or spirituality based. It can ALSO be anything or anyone that is uplifting, encouraging, or life giving! Some examples could be, praying, listening to worship music, being outside in nature, and having good deep conversations with people you love and who care about you.

Now that we’ve gone over what self care is and isn’t, as well as examples of self-care in the 3 different categories, you might be thinking to yourself…

where do I start?

Here are some tips to get your self-care routine started!

1.     Stick to the basics – we don’t need to overthink self-care!

2.     Start out by writing out all the things that would make you feel good or bring you some peace and break them into the 3 categories: MIND, BODY, and SPIRIT

3.     Every day, schedule out a block of time (even if it’s just 5-10 minutes) for self-care

4.     Check out Pinterest for “30 day self-care challenges” to get some ideas!

5.     Let your intuition lead you… ask yourself, “what does my mind, body, or spirit NEED and WANT today?”

GOOD LUCK!!! And remember, you are SO deserving of the care that you give to others! Never forget that!

Elise Dean