Okay, so all of you reading this right now in the middle of the pandemic are probably thinking, “Listen lady, I’m just trying to survive right now—not find time to grow!” So let me put your mind at ease and tell you that this isn’t about spending extra time trying to grow into a better version of yourself. It’s about taking small steps to see the growth that you are living day in and day out without realizing it. “When you go through it, you grow through it” is what I like to say.
We are living in unprecedented times. Who would have ever thought that we would be collectively going through such an incredibly stressful, isolating, unknown, and scary time this year? But, guess what? You ARE growing whether you realize it or not. If you are reading this, you can say, “I have survived another day in 2020! I may be a hot mess, but I got through it!” So, celebrate your wins. Oftentimes, our wins go unnoticed or unappreciated when in reality, we have small triumphs all throughout our day. One of those wins can simply be choosing to accept your reality versus trying to fight it.
The first step to increasing motivation is acceptance of your situation. No one can control what is happening externally. If we choose to fight our situation, that only leads to increased anxiety and frustration. It doesn’t allow us to move forward when we are fighting something that we have no control over. Thus, we remain stuck in a negative, self-defeating loop.
A great way to start your day is deep breathing followed by the Serenity Prayer:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
This pandemic, working from home, children in virtual school, not being able to travel to see your family, etc.—all of these things you cannot change. Choose to accept this and focus on the things that are within your control such as healthy sleep hygiene, exercise, nourishing your body, or getting dressed in real clothes each morning!
The second step is to acknowledge your growth. Nothing is better than recognizing your wins. Ask yourself, “What have I succeeded in today?” This could be anything from getting out of bed in the morning when your alarm goes off to taking time to do something for yourself that day. It could be making dinner for your family or getting the kids in bed on time. It could be calling a friend or family member who you have wanted to connect with to finishing a difficult task at work. You get the gist. It’s about finding ALL the things—big AND small!
Once you recognize the wins, it’s important to take a moment to be grateful for them. Say it out loud, write it down, do whatever it takes to intentionally give thanks for the victories in your life that day.
The third step is to focus on our values. When we think about what we are motivated by, it is typically closely tied to our values. If it’s not, we are probably not going to be motivated to do it. If you haven’t ever taken a moment to reflect on your individual values, give it some thought! You can take the Valued Living Questionnaire here. When we know our values, we can then identify values-action discrepancies as well as any barriers to value-based living. For instance, if you value spending time with your child, and you’re spending more quality time working than with your child, therein lies a discrepancy. You will then need to work out how to spend more quality time with your child (QUALITY NOT QUANTITY). You can ask yourself, “What is keeping me from spending quality time with him/her?” It may be that all you need to do is establish planned times where you can focus on being present and intentional with him/her for 30 minutes each day. It may be setting your phone down for 30 minutes to be more focused. Boundaries can be difficult to establish, but if setting boundaries allows you to experience quality time and fulfill that value, the motivation to set a boundary and therefore, setting the boundary, is clearer.
Acceptance, growth and values can be difficult to navigate. Ask for support from family, friends or a counselor so that you can thrive during this time of uncertainty. Remember that it’s not about adding a bunch of growth tools but reframing and reorganizing what is already taking place.
Grace and peace to you during this time,
Annie
Annie Tam
