What does the voice inside your head sound like? For many of us, that voice can be harsh and unforgiving, also known as the inner critic. Our inner critic helps us see mistakes, and so that you can learn and grow from them, but when that voice is based on shame it can be unrelenting and keep us stuck.
Enter self-compassion. In this article, Kristin Neff defines self-compassion as treating yourself like you would a friend going through a difficult time. In other words, the ability to be your own friend when you are suffering. If you are like me, you have said things to yourself you would never say to a friend that’s hurting or needs support. So why do we say those things to ourselves when what we need is to be uplifted?
According to Neff, our inner critic activates the body’s threat-defense system and increases stress hormones. While trying to protect us, the inner critic can instead lead to chronic stress and can increase depression and anxiety. Good news, when give ourselves self-compassion we activate our mammalian care center which provides comfort like giving yourself a big hug. Self-compassion is the best antidote to shame and the inner critic.
Here are 3 helpful self-compassion practices to help get you started:
1. Explore the voice inside your head.
Find a way to externalize the inner critic. Write it down or even say the thoughts out loud. Look for patterns and common phrases your inner critic uses. Then offer gentle challenges to what your inner critic tells you.
2. Talk to yourself like you would a friend.
When you find yourself struggling, imagine you are talking to a friend. Use positive affirmations and supportive phrases when speaking to yourself. Some helpful phrases could be: “I’m doing my best and that’s enough,” as well as “I’m human and it’s ok to be human.”
3. Borrow affirmations from your friends/family.
If the above practices seem difficult and you are unable to come up with kind things to say to yourself, reach out to your support system. Ask your friends and/or family what they would say to you and practice saying them to yourself.
For some, practicing self-compassion can be incredibly difficult. If you find yourself struggling with shame and your inner critic, reach out for support from helpful sources such as friends, family, or a therapist.
Megan Gerner
