Life is always changing, but sometimes a change can hit us harder than we expected. These transitions can be positive, negative, expected, surprising, and big or small. The one thing that all changes have in common is stress. Our bodies do not know that getting a new job, moving, or getting married are good things. Our bodies will still feel stress and effort to adapt to the new life. We also respond to transitions in a way that is unique to us, so just because our parent or friend or neighbor didn’t struggle with this doesn’t mean anything about how we will handle it. Life transitions can be wonderful and fulfilling, but they will not be stress free. So whether you are graduating, grieving, changing careers, welcoming a new family member, getting married, getting divorced, retiring, moving, or just trying to figure out a new stage in life, you are going to be adapting.
YOU CAN MAKE THE CHANGE PROCESS EASIER IN A NUMBER OF WAYS.
First, stop being so hard on yourself. Just because this is difficult doesn’t mean anything about your competency, worth, or ability to handle it. All it means is that life is hard right now, which is an invitation to be understanding with yourself. This is the time to drop some of the perfectionism and unrealistic expectations.
Second, do what helps. That does not mean give yourself permission to lean on harmful coping skills. It does mean reach out to a friend just chat if you feel like isolating. Doing what helps means trying to listen to what you actually need, which could be rest, connection, a bit of productivity, a workout, a piece of cake, etc. Just check in with yourself and try to take care of yourself the way you would a good friend.
Third, start building a foundation. Life transitions highlight our fear of the unknown. We tend to be uncomfortable with uncertainty. Focusing on a few small things and making them routine can help to give a sense of stability. We can know that even when everything else is changing we are still going to cook on Tuesday, read before bed, call a friend to talk about the new TV show, or whatever rituals are helpful for you.
Fourth, let your emotions come. Feelings are going to come whether we acknowledge them or not, but they don’t last as long and aren’t felt as intensely when just notice and name them. So take a couple moments, notice what you’re feeling and put a feeling word on it. It will start to fade much faster, not immediately, but faster than if we just pretend we aren’t mad or frustrated or sad.
Lastly, look for the growth. Every transition is also an opportunity to consolidate what we learned in the previous stage and take it forward in a meaningful way into the new life we are creating for ourselves.
Morton Nixon, LPC
